Welcome to our NEWLY Cleaned Up Blog

 Hey Munchie Mafia;

I am Chef Sivi, a Food Service Director for a local jail.  My experience spans many decades in Culinary Arts.  One of the things on my bucket list was to go to Culinary School.  After having a major health event, I decided that life is too short, and went back to school.  I graduated from Le Cordon Bleu College of the Culinary Arts in 2012.  

My mother didn't want me to go to Culinary School.  Her idea of what I should be doing with my life didn't align with my dreams and aspirations, so she refused to allow me to use my college fund for Culinary School.  In her exact words, "if that is what you want to do, we don't support that, good luck struggling through life, because if you don't want to do what I want you to do, and that is to attend medical school, you will be nothing but a drug addicted whore on welfare with a bunch of kids whose fathers names you don't know.  Because, you are dirty and worthless."

Years earlier, I cut her out of my life.  There was no reason for her to be a part of my life since my father passed in 2002.  Come to think of it, I didn't visit her in her final moments.  I'll never forget that phone call with the nurse.  She urged me to come to the hospital.  And, I asked her, "if you had an abusive mother and she were dying, would you rush to the hospital?" If she were verbal in those final moments, what would she say?  Would she ask for forgiveness for being a shit parent?  Would she get the final word in by saying how horrible I am?  Would she say something else?  I didn't want to chance it.  Yet, the nurse had to interject one last time, "She is the only mother you have and she is going to die."  I hung up the phone on her because, boundaries.  Later, I received a call letting me know she passed.  I set the ball in motion to have her body picked up by the funeral home, and then planned the funeral, handled the estate and put my sibling into the care of a Guardian and walked away.  It is about freedom from trauma.  Years and years of it that extended into my adulthood until I said, "NOPE!"

She passed away not knowing about me going after my dreams and aspirations, and crossing off a bucket list item.  I put myself through culinary school, and graduated.  I never told her because my dreams and aspirations were never important to her.  That is one thing I made sure that I told my children -- to go straight for those dreams and aspirations and not to settle because someone else thinks you should be doing something else.  Live your life on your own terms.  Grow up, graduate from high school, go out of state to attend college, and go be an individual, travel, create your own life.

I was never very close to any of my family because they all live so damned far away from Seattle, where I was born and raised.  But let me tell you something, the maternal side of the family, a majority of them, were rather vocal in saying that everything I experienced as a child was bullshit.  They were never around.  They only heard HER side to the story.  In some ways, I am mad at my dad, because he didn't have the courage to leave her and take me away from that.  

I wished I could have followed my own dreams sooner.  It is my deepest regret.  But now, I am in my 50's.  The kids are grown and long gone from our house in the shadows of Mt. Rainier.  I have had setbacks.  But I'm still moving forward.

So, last year, I started a Youtube Journey.  It's had its ups and downs.  And, I will share more about my experiences later.  For right now though, I gotta edit some videos and finish some videos.  It's tough doing this and work a full time job at the same time.  And that's why this Blog fell by the wayside.  I'm going to try to get this back in order again.

What you will find here:

Recipes, links, stories, notifications, and so on.

Thanks for reading.  Cook with Love and Eat with Passion!

Chef Sivi